Masks

Something that has been on my mind a lot this week is the masks that people wear around, hiding pain and secrets from all those around them. For the last several years I have had in my mind this metaphor of masks which people wear to conceal their pain. I don't know what first planted it in my mind, but I do remember the first time I wrote about it. It was for my sophomore English class in High School when we had to write a poem that was modeled after the style of some other poet. This was my poem:

The disheartened maiden looked afar
The tears grew silently in her eyes
She bore a Mask of confidence
But the tears the mask defies

Her emotions are an open Book
A single glance could not perceive
But through assessment is apparent-
A Pain that could not leave

If one would look across the room-
A handsome Man you'd see
Who through unfaithfulness-
Caused her this way to be

A break in her Heart
The kind you can not mend
Shall forever stay-
An Everlasting Pain

And then for my creative writing class in freshman year of college I wrote this poem about masks. Poetry is definitely not my thing, so it's not too great, but it portrays the idea:

Masks to hide pain
Appearance of control and peace
Unbreakable, complete

When eyes turned away
Mask swiftly falls, pain exposed
Can pretend no more

But audience is gone
And no one will ever see
Truth forever hidden


From my experiences in life I have seen this to be true. People always throw around statements about how you can't be too quick to judge because you have no idea what's going on in the person's life. It is definitely true and I think most people would agree with that idea and have had stories of it with people in their own lives. But I think it oftentimes is so much deeper and more true than we think. I have written before about how one of the reasons I like to read books is so that I can gain a deeper understanding and empathy for people in certain situations and trials. And my dream of being a marriage and family therapist, or even of just being able to serve as an informal version of it by being someone who can listen, care, and offer support, in large part comes from this idea of masked pain. How exhausting it must be to always be holding on a mask, partially wanting to allow people to see who you were without it, but more afraid of the vulnerability, pain, and judgment that might result from exposure that makes it too much of a risk. I think of the scene in the later part of the Phantom of the Opera movie in which Christine is able to take away the Phantom's mask and look at his disfigured face without disgust or fear. As a therapist, I feel like I would in some way be able to fulfill that role- be able to remove the masks people cling to, and then see and accept what has been hidden beneath.

This metaphor is something that I always kind of have with me, but there are a couple reasons that it has been more on my mind this week than normal. On Tuesday in Human Development class we had someone come in to talk to us about eating disorders. She had suffered from bulimia for about 15 years, and now she is going to school to become a therapist like the one who helped her. To me that is very inspiring. She told us a lot about her personal experience- how it first began, the progression of it, the times she tried to end it, the treatment process, and how it still effects her now. I learned a lot about the emotions and thoughts behind eating disorders and feel like I gained a better insight into people struggling with similar things that I am likely to encounter in the future. When she was talking about her experience it was interesting to hear how she had hidden her problem from everyone. Literally everyone, including her parents and her husband. No one had any idea of the immense pain and struggle she was facing alone. Her presentation and story combined with recent experiences I have had of learning truths about people I care about have brought these thoughts of masks and concealed pain to the front of my mind. People have said it over and over, to the point of it probably becoming cliche, but the truth is: you really never know what is going on in the parts of people's life that you can't see. It is something to always remember when tempted to pass judgment, when someone's life appears to be so perfect and easy, or when maybe someone is attempting to take off their mask and is looking for an understanding and loving person to accept them. They are things I strive to remember and apply but, of course, always have so much room for improvement and an increase of understanding.