One man's life touches so many others...

It breaks my heart every time I hear about something like this happening...

Last night my 12 year old brother rode the city bus up to his middle school basketball practice along with four of his teammates. When the bus dropped them off, two of the boys ran across the road in front of the parked bus and the boy in front was hit by a car that was driving down the road. The driver did not see the boy and so did not even put on his brakes. The impact was so strong that the boy was knocked out of his shoes. My little brother was standing on the sidewalk when it happened and could hear the impact and see his friend's body land. The boy was in critical condition and was flown to intensive care, but passed away this morning. It is heart breaking in so many ways....a twelve year old boy who had so much life left to live... a mother and three sisters who lost one of the most important people in their life...the driver of the car who, despite the fact that he had no way of seeing the boy coming, will have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life... my little brother and the other boys who had to witness this and will probably never forget.

I did not personally know the boy, but I knew who he was and had seen him play basketball games with my little brother. I talked to my mom about it today and heard all the details and about all the aftereffects. A facebook group was started for him after the accident happened last night, and after he passed away today a memorial blog was started for everyone to share memories and for people to know how they could help the family. I read many of the comments and it was amazing to see how many people it has affected. I am reminded of a quote from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life":

"One man's life touches so many others, when he's not there, it leaves an awfully big hole"

Hearing of all the tears that were shed at the middle school today and reading the comments on both facebook and the memorial blog from family, friends, teammates, teachers, classmates and more is definite proof of the truthfulness of this quote. Everyone had something to share and there were many fond memories of the boy being cheerful, sweet, and fun. As my little brother wrote on the blog: "Logan was a great kid, always smilling. It was even said that he was laughing right before the accident."

Hearing of something like this reminds me how fragile life is, and so unpredictable. There is no way to know when someone's life will suddenly be ended. As cliche as this may sound, it makes me want to always live my life to the fullest. You also can never know when the life of a loved one will be taken away, and so I repeat my strong belief that we must always make sure that people know how much they mean to us, before it's too late.

From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours...

This is a little late, but I have been busy and have been wanting to write this blog ever since it happened to me, but now I am finally getting the chance....

Last Monday there was an adoption conference at UVU that was open to students and the public. There were a big variety of classes available as well as a key note speaker. One of my teachers decided that instead of holding class that day, he wanted us to attend one of the classes or listen to the speaker. Well the key note speaker was Michael McLean, whom I really like, so I went to that. For those of you that don't know, Michael McLean is a LDS singer and songwriter who has been making music for the last 25 years. He is most well known for The Forgotten Carols. If you want to know more about him, his website is: http://www.michaelmcleanmusic.com.

So I went into the small theater where he was going to be speaking and it turns out I got to sit about five rows back from him. I was close enough to him that I could hear him interacting with people before the show and I could see that he had a fun, expressive, and kind personality.

After being introduced, he went on to the stage and sat down at the piano. I was excited that I'd get to hear him perform a song, but it turns out that he stayed at the piano for the entire hour that he was speaking. What followed was a very moving performance complete with stories, insights and songs.

The primary form of adoption that he was focusing on was the situations in which a single girl is pregnant and through an extremely difficult process decides to give her unborn child to a married couple that cannot have children of their own. I have never had any kind of personal experience with this kind of adoption, but it is something that I am passionate about. I have read a lot of stories about it and believe strongly in the idea. It is easy to watch from the outside and condemn those birth mothers who are struggling with the decision, because logically it is a very clear decision to give her child to a married couple. But for the person in that situation it is far from being about logic and what makes the most sense, especially after you have carried the baby for 9 months and have seen the precious baby's face. Hearing it from the birth mother's perspective, it is undeniable how hard and selfless this decision is. I greatly admire anyone who has made that decision, and with my ambition to work for LDS Family Services, I may one day be able to help the women in those circumstances.

All through his stories and songs I could hear sniffling all around me. I had no doubt that many of the people surrounding me had been directly effected by the things he was talking about it... whether they were a birth mom who gave up her child, the grateful parents who received a child through adoption, a child about whom the selfless decision was made, or someone else who had been touched by the miracle of adoption. I don't think there were many dry eyes in the audience, I know mine were not.

One of the most emotional parts was when he told the story that inspired his well known and loved song "From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours." Hearing about the specific individual who had asked him to write this song, and then about all the responses and decisions that it sparked in others from hearing it was truly amazing. It was much more powerful hearing him sing it, but here are the words:

From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure

If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.

But lately I've been thinking,

Cause it's all I've had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I

Should give this child to you.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your precious one,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,

Or if he wants to know,

How the one who gave him life

Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,

I prayed and paced the floors,

And knew the only peace I'd find,

Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your precious one,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

Now I know that you don't have to do this,
But could you kiss him once for me?
The first time that he ties his shoes, or falls and skins his knee?
And could you hold him twice as long when he makes his mistakes?
Tell him that he's not alone...sometimes that's all it takes.
I know how much he'll ache...

This may not be the answer,

For another girl like me.

And I'm not on a soapbox,

Saying how we all should be.

I'm just trusting in my feelings,

And I'm trusting God above,

And I'm trusting you can give this baby

Both his mothers' love.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your precious one,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

After the show I decided to go talk to him since I was only a few rows away anyways. There were two women that were in front of me in line to talk to him. I heard what they said to him and it was really amazing. One of them was the birth mother who had given her son to the other women and they had come to the conference together. Hearing their story and the positive results was really great. So then I got to meet Michael McLean and shake his hand and get his autograph. He is a really friendly guy and it was awesome to meet him. And his talk left me a lot to think about...

Climb Every Mountain

Wow, I never thought the day would come when I would write a blog about climbing mountains...

I grew up hearing about mountains all the time, and living in New Mexico there were a lot of them around. My dad had a tradition to take each of my brothers on trip to climb one of the different nearby mountains with just the two of them. That mountain then became 'their mountain.' When we were driving around they could look up with pride and point at the mountain that was claimed as their own. It was a really special experience for each of them and I know it made my dad happy. I never went on one of these mountain claiming trips. I think it was mostly because there was a forest fire that went through our town and a lot of the nearby mountains and hikes were closed for a while. Even with that barrier I am sure we could have found a time to do it if it was something that I really wanted to do. But it wasn't. My parents and brothers were all really excited and motivated about mountains but I just didn't get it...why would I want to go through all the pain and discouragement to reach the top to see a view that I could of just seen in a postcard or picture? It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the outdoors or physical activities, because I definitely did...but climbing mountains just wasn't for me.

Last weekend I went to the BYU Homecoming Spectacular show and the theme this year was "Reach for the Summit." The musical and artistic performances were all based around this theme. The narrator through the show was a mountain man that reminded me so much of my dad. His love of nature, passion for hiking, and obvious excitement about climbing mountains that he wants to share with everyone around him were completely my dad. When the mountain man broke into an inspirational song about climbing mountains the likeness was sealed. As the man tried to convince the group of boys of all the reasons that they should climb the mountain, I couldn't help but see my dad saying the same thing to me. To add to this uncanny resemblance between the mountain man and my dad, I know the person who designed the Homecoming logo and she told me that the hat that the mountain man is wearing in the logo was based off of my brother's hat...which is the same hat that my dad and all of my brothers have and all started with my dad...

So the show focused on Mount Timpanogas since that is the nearby mountain that is an exhausting hike, but apparently worth it. My dad wants so bad to be able to hike that mountain one day. As cliche as this may sound, by the time the show was over I had a huge urge to go hike Timp. It is too cold to do now, but it is now one of my goals for when it is warm enough.

I was thinking about this some more and about all of the mountains that I have climbed in my past. I have climbed Wheeler Peak (the highest mountain in New Mexico at 13, 161 feet) three times. The first time was when I was about 12 years old when I went with a group of 16 year old girls that my parents were going with:

Notice the hat...

The second time was when I was about 13 years old and I was going with my Young Women group as part of Girls Camp:

Me and my friend Britany

And the third time was when I was about 14 and we went with my whole family during the last summer of all of us together for a while:

See how they all have the hat :)

My appreciation and acceptance of mountains has really grown through the years and now I view them as more than just pure torture :). I have always been one who loves symbols and meaningful metaphors and I cannot deny that mountains are a very good metaphor for life. All three times that I hiked Wheeler Peak it was difficult and exhausting. There were those times when it was especially steep and I would take one step forward only to fall two steps back in the loose rocks and wanted so bad to give up and convince myself it wasn't worth it. There were people in my group that did give up and never reached the top. No one would have thought any less of me if I didn't make it all the way to the top. But I made it all three times. And the only person I was battling was myself. There is something truly satisfying about conquering the weak side of yourself, and climbing a mountain is definitely one way to do that.

I got the chance to climb Timp about halfway this summer. We left too late in the day to be able to get to the top, and honestly I was completely okay with that. But even just going halfway we got pretty high up and the view was breathtaking and, contrary to my previous beliefs, you cannot capture it in a picture:

I look forward to being able to one day reach the summit. Now, who would have thought I'd ever say that? :)

One Year Older and.... Wiser too?

I remember as a little girl that I always thought 19 was the magical age. I thought that 19 year old girls were on the top of the world and at the best place in their life... everything was so much better at 19. I would always play the 19 year old girl in all the make-believe games that I played with my friends or by myself. I could hardly wait until that time...

And then yesterday I turned 19. When I climbed out of bed in the morning I felt a little tingle that started in my toes and went all the way up to my nose and I could feel the transformation happening.... Okay, just kidding. Truth is I didn't feel any different being one year older...along with every other birthday I have had. But that is how everything with time goes. You can never feel it when it's happening, you can only see the change when you look back and see the effects. I could see absolutely no difference from one day to the next, but when I think back to where I was one year ago, so much has changed...

I am living in a different state in a totally different setting. My living arrangements, schedule, activities and atmosphere are all completely different. I have new friends, new family members(a sister-in-law and my first nephew), new interests, new responsibilities and commitments, new trials and new blessings. In so many ways I have changed so much, but in other ways I am the same. My basic beliefs, ideas and personality are the same, but so many other parts of me have changed. I think that in general people usually think that they don't change much, that they stay basically the same. I think a lot of the time people want to believe that, because change is scary and hard, and you don't want to believe that you are not going to stay the same. But change can also be wonderful. How can anyone ever progress or experience new things without change? Change is also inevitable. I think back on all that has happened to me in the last 12 months...all of the people I have met and interacted with and learned from...all of the times that I fell down and thought I couldn't get back up again, but did...all of the moments when I thought life couldn't get any better than that, but it did... and I realize: how could I possibly not change? How can anyone not change? It is unavoidable, and should not be avoided, but instead embraced.

So as I begin my 19th year I am filled with anticipation, excitement, wonder, and a little bit of nervousness as I think about what is to come and all that will change outside of me and, more importantly, inside of me by the time my next birthday comes. I have no idea, and that's exactly how it was meant to be...

Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice

This weekend was pretty full, but not in the way weekends normally are. All of Saturday and Sunday were based around General Conference. Saturday morning, bright and early, I headed up to Salt Lake City with my brother and sister-in-law, my other brother, and two of my roommates. We watched the Saturday morning session in the Conference Center.



Afterward, we had a picnic

Kylie and Rachel

Then we watched the afternoon session in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. And we all posed by the lovely reflection pool afterward:

Jeff, Rachel, Kylie, Greg, Kristen, and me

Roommates!

Sunday morning we had a big potluck breakfast at our apartment with all of the people from Saturday plus another roommate and friend. We all watched the morning session together in our PJs while we ate the delicious breakfast. And of course, we watched the afternoon session as well.

I had a particularly good conference experience this year. I finally tried what people had been telling me to do for a while now. I have heard everyone's experiences with having a specific question before conference and then having that question answered in one of the talks. I was always a little scared that I would do it and there would be no answer, so I would kind of go into conference with general ideas and sorta questions. But this time I decided to do it for real and I came up with a couple questions, and one main one, and I wrote them down. And, what do you know, my main question was addressed in the very first talk! I had a very good conference experience and I am very grateful that we had the opportunity to listen the prophet and all the other speakers and to hear all of their wisdom!

I Have The Wrong Name!

I am sure that everyone has been called by the wrong name on several occasions. Sometimes you get called a sibling's name, a friend's name, a name that sounds like yours, or the name of someone who looks like you. But have you ever been consistently called by the same name, that is not yours and sounds nothing like yours? I have! There is one main name that I am very frequently called. It's pretty funny how many times and how many different people have made the mistake.... and with the same name. So now you are all wondering which name it is, right? Or maybe you already know, because apparently I look very much like the name. I asked Rachel which name she thought I got called a lot, and she got it on her very first guess!

So drum roll please.... the name I am constantly mistaken for is..... Jessica! Sounds just like Stephanie, right? Uh, no. Luckily I like the name Jessica and I am not constantly called a name I think is ugly. And it doesn't really bother me that people get my name wrong because I know that remembering names is hard. It just really intrigues me that everyone calls me the SAME wrong name. You might think I am exaggerating, but let me share some examples...

It mostly started in middle school, and for very understandable reasons. My best friend's name was Jessica and we had all 7 classes together(completely a coincidence, we didn't plan it that way.) So since we spent so much time together, it was understandable for teachers to get us mixed up. But there were times when we had seats on the opposite side of the room and teachers didn't even know we were best friends yet, and we would still get mixed up. The funny thing was we didn't even look a like. She was blond hair, blue eyes.... and I was brown hair, hazel eyes. In our science class that we were partners for, the teacher would alternately call us by our first and last names so we had even more names to be mixed up. I learned to respond to four different names... my first name, my last name, her first name, and her last name.

Then High School came and we kind of went our separate ways. Since I wasn't hanging out with her all the time anymore I didn't think it would happen anymore, but I was very wrong. We had one class together in High School, and that was French class. We got to choose french names to be called in the class, and that was sometimes what we wrote on our papers and sometimes we wrote our regular names. Since my name is french I just got to keep the same name. But I was instead called by Jessica's name, or Jessica's french name. The same thing happened in our french class the next year. I don't think she ever went a class period without calling me the wrong name.

But I had several other things like this happen to me even when I wasn't in the same class or place as her. I remember a math class I had when the teacher was handing something back and she was calling Jessica to come pick it up. She kept calling the name, and finally I looked up and said "Are you talking to me? My name is not Jessica." The teacher was really perplexed as to why she'd been calling me Jessica, but it was definitely not the first time. And there wasn't even another Jessica in the class to get me mixed up with.

As this has happened to me on numerous occasions I have come to realize that it wasn't just the person Jessica that I got confused with.... I must really look like a Jessica. At a summer camp daycare that I worked at, one of the 4th graders that I was the counselor for would call me Jessica half the time, despite my frequent reminders that it wasn't my name. And there was no other Jessica working at the summer camp. Just last night, someone who was playing on the intramural soccer team with me was trying to remember my name. When she said "it's Jessica, right?" I just had to laugh. Mom and Dad, I guess you named me the wrong name...

"Yeeeah, I live for little moments, like that...." and more Brad Paisley adventures...

Saturday night, while everyone else was hiking to the BYU football game, I was headed the other direction to Salt Lake City to go to the Brad Paisley concert. I had bought the tickets to the concert before I knew that the first BYU home football game was on the same night. But I wasn't going to miss my opportunity to see the wonderful Brad Paisley live, and I wasn't going to waste the money I spent on the tickets. It was with a little pang of sadness at seeing everyone all decked out in blue and excited for the first home game that I left town... but it was definitely worth it. And as it turned out, I didn't miss much of a game. So in faithful little jeepy with Rachel at the wheel, we headed off for the concert...



The two openers for the concert were Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley and they both did a great job. But of course, the best part was Brad Paisley!

I love silhouettes!

As it seems is a pattern for my concert experiences, there was some rain....


Brad Paisley put on a really good concert. He was funny, fun, entertaining, and he sang a big variety of songs. One of the things that I love about him is that he sings really funny songs (i.e. I'm Still a Guy, Celebrity, Online, Me Neither, many more...) that are so hilarious, clever, and fun. But then he also sings beautiful, meaningful songs (i.e. Then, Letter to Me, He Didn't Have to Be, When I Get Where I'm Going, etc...) that really touch your heart. He has such a great variety of songs, and it was really evident in the concert. Also, I really admire his character. For all the fame and glory he has had, he has really been able to stay down-to-earth. He has not been caught up in the many temptations of stardom and the tabloids are not full of scandalous stories about him. He is aware of all the unnecessary hype surrounding stars, as he writes about in his song "Celebrity." Basically he is just a solid guy who loves his wife and kids, who also happens to be talented with a guitar and write great songs...